It's just a matter of how ...

It's day 15 in my cast and I guess I'm used to it now...
I still don't like it... but I'm learning to manage life with a cast...
There's a lot I can't do because of the cast though and that is frustrating for sure. 


I had this super optimistic outlook at first, telling myself I'd be running and doing handless yoga and continuing with my training without a worry...But the last two weeks have been rougher than I anticipated. Keep in mind this is my first time breaking something. I just typed out a list of things I can't do then deleted it - I don't want to complain. This is only 6 weeks of my life, it could be worse. If I focus on everything I can't do for 6 weeks I'm going to be pretty miserable....
I might not be able to open the peanut butter jar myself but I can still hike and walk. I might not be able to ride my bike but I can still sit outside and enjoy a sunny day. I may struggle to get ready in the morning but at least I'm awake and blessed with another day. It can always be worse... It could've been my right hand. 

When I tried running a the first week with the cast I was shocked at how much it hurt my hand to run....My hopeful ignorance convinced me the cast would protect from pain... it did not. The impact running up from my feet throughout my body as I took each step was too much and my run quickly turned into a walk. I do want to give it another shot soon - Maybe after some rested healing I'll be able to get a few runs a week in....

When I tried yoga I was reminded of the weight of the cast and the awkward way it impairs my ability to extend my arm. I also learned more about just how connected my muscles are...I was feeling stretches in my hand when I least expected it... the tingling of muscles working in my neck and shoulders and down through my arm radiated outwards and it was weird at first. A big part of yoga is self-awareness and awareness of the body so having an injury like this was interesting to say the least.

I haven't attempted any one-handed push ups or anything like that but I'm definitely building strength in my arms passively. My right hand and arm are working twice as hard and my left arm is always holding this cast up so it's not exactly a session with a personal trainer... but it's something.....


If you haven't noticed yet I work through my thoughts as I type... there's no rough draft or picky proofreading and editing. So forgive the scatter-brain approach here. When I start these entries out its usually because I need to rant, to reflect. I start with a negative thought, a sad self-pitying weight, and then my self-awareness, sense of reason, and persistent back-of-head voice lead me to a version of my thought that ends up being a little less whiney.


So am I pissed I broke my hand?
Heck yes. 
Am I going to cry about it for 6 weeks straight? 
No
Am I going to have some complaints along the way? 
Well ya. 


I just feel like I made so many promises to myself that I cant keep now... I already felt like I wasn't doing enough for Tough Mudder... and now I've hit a six week speed bump...And I was starting to do more with my baking business but now I've had to cancel my vending shows... I've had to take a break from teaching Paint Nite too. I don't know what the universe wants from me...

I was getting antsy, bored, lost... So I slowly took things on, first Paint Nite in February, then Tough Mudder. Then with Nonno's passing I was driven to take Tough Mudder that much more seriously. I filled more of my time with my baking stuff in hopes to occupy myself and keep my mind busy. I got next-level busy all at once, embraced a few relaxing weekends and then bam... broken hand = 6 weeks of nothing.



So is this a sign to slow things down?
Is it a challenge to power through? 
That's my main struggle right now. 
I try to tell myself I have to find balance... but even that is hard... 

I try to look at every awkward one-handed attempt at things as a test of patience and perseverance...Try to see my inability to bake/cook alone as an opportunity to share something I enjoy more closely with my husband (he has to do 90% of it, I coach him through it)

I'm still bummed though. It's very up and down.

I don't know what to do. 

I know I still have to make each day count for something.
It's just a matter of how ...