Well Shit.....

This experience has had a lot of "firsts". 

When I signed up I knew I'd do my first real push up, run my first full mile... I've done my first 20km+ bike ride, I've started my first blog...

And I broke my first bone!

On the weekend I broke my hand...trying to do a friggen cartwheel. 

I mean really.... COME ON!

Seriously though, it hurt. 

A lot. 

I thought I just sprained it initially, and I actually thought it was a wrist injury not my hand. I've never done a cartwheel before. I tried something new and I failed. I could just say oh ya I was doing cartwheels and landed funny oops. But when someone asks "OH SHIT what did you do to your hand?!" I shrug and say "I tried to do a cartwheel and it didn't go so well". I'm actually impressed with myself for trying so hard I broke my hand. I went all in - figured k if I'm going to launch my legs into the air and over my head I'll probably need some force behind it. If not, I'd end up doing the same dizzy-drunk somersault flail I usually end up in when trying to cartwheel in the past. 

It happened Saturday night. I iced it. I wrapped it in a tensor bandage and continued on with my weekend. Sunday morning I was achey but ok, didn't pay much attention to it. See we were at our friends' place in Alliston and since I had never broken a bone before I had no idea whether I was actually in as much pain as I thought or if I was just being a baby. I shrugged it off, accepted everyones words of encouragement, and moved on. 

Sunday I saw my mom and she had a different opinion. She didn't like how swollen it was and suggested I see a doctor if it continues. My Dad said I should go get X-rays because it could be broken. I said it was unlikely because I could move my fingers and it didn't hurt enough anymore to be broken.

I woke up Monday morning (yesterday) in the worst pain thus far. 

Either I wrapped it way too loosely or I slept on it but more bruising was showing up and the swelling, though it had subsided a bit thanks to ice, was back with a vengeance. So I decided I'd make an appointment for "sometime this week" and "hopefully everything will be fine"

I got lucky and saw a doctor at my office at 9am yesterday. I had left work (I start at 730) thinking "yeah I just have a doctor's appointment no problem - brb!" but I didn't get back until 3:00!!!!

I waited a lot yesterday, in several different rooms and chairs. I got asked the same set of questions more times than felt necessary and I met a lot of people equally as embarrassed as I was to be suffering a silly playtime injury. 

It doesn't really matter exactly where I sat or for how long. I got referred to Emerg by my family doctor and was there most of the day. I hated being there, I felt sick, grossed out, spooked. I hate surgeries and blood work and needles. It makes me want to cry when I see people in pain, worse if it's kids. The number of seniors there reminded me quickly of Nonno and his time in the hospital. I had a moment while I was sitting in Urgent Care and realized "shit, Nonno's last conscious thought was in a room like this, surrounded by a whole bunch of people waiting to find out what's wrong with them". I didn't want to think about it and luckily I was interrupted by my name being called. 

I was greeted by a friendly, smiley, pleasant nurse. 

I understand nurses play an especially challenging role in the emergency care area(s) of the hospital and I totally empathize with how insanely stressful their jobs must be, but I was so happy to see a smile that I thanked her for her kindness. I made sure to point out that I know its not easy to stay light in a role like that and I thanked her for brightening my day. She seemed to appreciate the gratitude. 

When I moved to the next waiting chair I sat next to a little girl. 

She was about 6, and had hurt her neck on the trampoline. She was so poised and articulate for her age. She was with her Nana (who couldn't have been much older than my own mum) and we all chatted. Alissa showed me her stuffed turtle named Rosie, and her Shopkins. She listed all the characters she's collected and asked if I had a daughter who liked Shopkins too. I explained that my babies were my dog and two cats and showed her pictures. She asked her Nana "Hey Nan, could I please use your phone to show her Zoe?" and she showed me a picture of her little dog saying "come on, isn't she just the cutest little thing?" We were interrupted by the Doctor who came to give Alissa and her Nana the results of her Xray and watching this little girl listen to the doctor even though he spoke mostly to her grandmother left me in awe. When she was dismissed from the hospital she shook my hand and I thanked her for brightening my day - she said you're welcome I hope your hand feels better and I smiled. 

3 hours later I walked out of the hospital with a plaster cast and a recovery time of 3-6 weeks. I learned it wasn't my wrist but in fact a main - though small - bone in my hand between my thumb socket and pointer finger. The second metacarpal bone in my left hand broke. I looked at the Xray and got to see the break, identified by very fine stepping visible in the bottom third of the bone. That explains the crack I heard when I fell... In 3 weeks I follow up at the fracture clinic to get another x-ray and better cast. 

So how bout that Tough Mudder training, eh?

Well, this itself is a test of pain tolerance and mental grit right? I broke my left hand so I still can write and paint just fine. I'm typing this one-handed because moving my fingers on my left hand isn't recommended - that and I can't lay my wrist flat anyway so its easier with one hand. I won't be able to bike much - if at all, upper body training is going to be pretty lopsided and yoga is going to be tricky when it comes to any poses that involve holding myself up with my hands.

But I can't just give up. I have to keep at it. 

So this week I'm getting used to having this cement block at the end of my arm. I'm finding out what I can do without hurting myself and what I definitely shouldn't. Then its time to get back. I can run - no excuses there (darn). I can do yoga as long as I either skip or find variations of poses that require pressing my hand to the ground. I don't think biking is a great idea unless it's leisurely around the neighbourhood but it's something. 

If I break my streak of activity entirely it'll be THAT much harder to come back to it in July. I only have 3 full months left before the Tough Mudder in September, I need to make the most of that time and prove to myself I can do it - broken hand or not. 

I Will

I never know how to start these things. In fact today I just opened up this window and decided I was going to write a blog - I'm just feeling good and need to share I guess!

Since this week is a short work week thanks to Victoria Day on Monday, I figured nows as good a time as any to restart my morning routine before work.
So yesterday I woke up at 5:30 and took the dog for a run. Moose (my dog) loves getting up with me in the morning, no matter what time it is. He definitely makes it easier to get excited about going out that early. The weather helps too! I didn't even need a coat which is awesome.

So yesterday I woke up early, ran a mile (and by ran a mile I mean I ran parts of a mile and walked the rest because I still can't run a mile), did a quick yoga session then off to work. After work yesterday hubby and I went for a nice walk with the dog and enjoyed the weather, then I painted for a few hours. It was a long day but it felt good to have a different kind of energy throughout the day. 

So I did it again today. 

I woke up at 5:25 (realized I need the extra five minutes to pet the cats before Moose and I head out for our run) and went out with Moose. It wasn't as sunny today but we did alright. The hard part about trying to run in the morning is actually running with Moose. He's not used to running on a leash, and it kinda cramps my style when he sniffs for minutes at a time before doing his morning business, but can't let myself leave him at home while I go out. So he'll practice just like me and we'll learn together. I had a hard time keeping a good pace today, and had a longer stretch of rest time (walking) at one point than I would have liked, but I did it. I'll just have to do better tomorrow.

I did my yoga this morning too. I might have to wake up a little earlier so I can fit in some longer sessions but for now I'm just doing quick morning routines. I use youtube videos and watch Yoga With Adriene's channel. I've mentioned her before I think; she's got so many videos to choose from but most are 30-40 minutes and right now I only have a short 20 minutes . It's enough to do one of her few morning routines but one of my goals is to roll out of bed a little earlier eventually. 

I need to incorporate more strengthening exercises. Sure I need to be able to run between obstacles, but I need to be able to tackle the obstacles too! So today after work hubby and I are going to do some weights and at-home exercises to do some upper body work outs and get my muscles working. I want to start including strength exercises a few times a week and eventually move into daily practices as well.

There's a lot I can't do yet. But I know if I just stick with it instead of falling out of routine again, it's possible. I will be able to run a mile. I will be able to carry myself across the monkey bars. I will be able to pull myself up over a wall. Whatever it is I just need to work hard, deal with the pain and strain, and keep on keepin' on. 

And I WILL !

PS: I forgot to post pictures from my busy busy weekend on the last post. Hiking and biking in Niagara was awesome and I loved it and I want to go back again soon. And biking along Lakeshore on Monday was awesome too! Looking forward to many more activities in the sun this summer, we're just getting started :D

I would bike 500 miles and I would bike 500 more....

So this weekend I biked 41 miles. 

41 miles. that's 65 kilometres. 

Now I didn't do it all in one shot. half was in Niagara during a little getaway with hubby and the other half was today along the waterfront trail on Lakeshore in Toronto. 

When we plan little trips like the one we took this weekend to Niagara Falls, we try to incorporate hiking and/or biking when we can. During our stay we walked everywhere, hiked the Niagara Glen, and biked the Niagara Recreation Trail. Well, we biked most of the Trail, we were about 10 miles short of completing the trail when we turned around. It's a 32 mile paved path that runs from Niagara-on-the-Lake to Niagara Falls and runs along the Niagara River. 

I have never biked along side so many other people riding their bikes all at once in my life. It was very cool! And annoying. But it was a good experience considering the Tough Mudder course is going to be full of other people clustered and moving in the same direction. It was interesting to see the different varieties of people biking the trail too. Seeing pros outfitted in the best gear riding alongside moms on their 20 year old walmart bike pulling her toddler in a little tent trailers was really something. I used it as motivation when I wanted to swear really loud and call a cab lol.

There was a part of the trail we hit shortly after taking a snack break. That lag of the trail started with a really fun downhill stretch that involved little to no peddling and the wave of bikers cycling down the road in a huge cluster was really cool. 

Not so cool on the way back. 

The incline actually started well into the residential area at the "bottom" of the hill. I started clicking through gears, scrambling to make this as mechanically easy as possible and warned Michael this could take awhile. He was patient, talked me through the gears, and bribed me with a promise of dinner on Clifton Hill before we head back to Brampton. I knew I had to do this but the bribe helped, and I made it up that hill without dismounting my bike once.

I can't explain the elevation of this hillside. But it was long, and steep, and near the end of our ride. I was exhausted but I knew I had no choice but to just get back to the car. We had checked out for the weekend and worked in a ride before heading home, so finishing this ride meant a long drive home too. It was a difficult journey back but I was pretty impressed with myself when I rolled up next to the car, got off my bike and realized I hadn't keeled over and died but had actually made it .

And for some reason I decided to do it to myself again today.

It's the long weekend. Some people go away, some people go to the cottage and relax, some garden. We biked 22miles .

It was 27 degrees in Brampton today, 22 by the lake in Toronto. We spent the day in the sun riding along Lakeshore between Etobicoke Creek and Exhibition Place. We stopped just short of the Ex grounds, and set up camp for an hour or two snacking and playing catch and frisbee. The ride itself was crowded, a little confusing, and I fell behind a lot - I was just so exhausted, but I kept a decent pace for myself and didn't give up. Although I have to point out it's really difficult to give up when you're a long walk from the car....

Biking back felt easier. But I was burnt. I'm gonna have a sweet tan on my forearms tomorrow. I'm exhausted, but proud of myself for what I did this weekend. I never did make that work out schedule for myself, but I am going to try to wake up and do a mile run/walk followed by some yoga each morning this week and see how that goes. I need a routine! 

Maybe then these little day trips won't be so exhausting!

Busy Beaver

I haven't blogged about Tough Mudder in awhile. It bugs me. Because I haven't had much to blog about. THAT bugs me. It's good that it bugs me though right?

I've been busy with my first vendor show for my baking business though.
I signed up for a show with a week and a half to prepare. I've never done one before, so that's 11 days to design, order and print a banner, business cards, and menus, in addition to sorting out the details of my display AND baking everything to bring with me. I'm getting tired again just thinking about it all.
See, I feel less bad knowing I've been doing something productive. I'd feel worse if I wasn't muddering AND I wasn't doing anything else. But the challenge here is to have balance, and I'm struggling with that.

It's hard to make a routine and stick to it when there's all of these other things that just get in the way. I think it's mainly the feeling of not having enough hours in the day, not enough fuel in the tank, y'know? I do a great job of sticking to the routine until something gets in the way. Like when I get home at 11 because I've worked all day then taught Paint Nite too, and I'm up late, my ideal of waking up early and doing a work out the next day goes down the toilet. Or when I do get home at a reasonable time from work but I have to bake 160 cookies... stuff like that just gets in the way.

Life is just a mess of moments though, of things getting in the way of other things and the challenge is always to just deal with it. So that's the challenge here, to do my thang even when other thangs get in the way. I have to get that motivation back up and look at every challenge as an obstacle and just figure out how to get over it. That's what I'm training for anyway right?

It's funny, because I've said some of this out loud at one point or another, and people have argued. They tell me "what are you talking about, you do so much!". Well, that's not really the case. It seems that way to some though just because I ran once that week, and they ran 0 lol. And my conversations with people have put some things into perspective too, like how people view exercise and their ability to do it. I'm starting to see more and more that it really is all in your head. We all have the potential within us to run 20 km, for example, but it's a matter of when we'll be able to after how much training to do so.

Everyone wants to "just be able to do it" . I want to "just be able to run a mile without stopping". In fact, I'm incredibly jealous of my husband's running stamina. I know sulking about it won't make me a better runner though. Talking about it won't change my endurance either. Practice will. Practice and dedication and staying motivated, that's how I'm going to run a mile without stopping, and that's how I'm going to do this thing in September. But I need to try harder. 

So now that some of my insanity has passed and my first vendor show is behind me, I need to reorganize myself, and create a plan to stick to. Whether it's making Monday push up day or setting my alarm 1/2 hour earlier every day, I need to build a schedule or guideline , stick it on the fridge and just do what it says to do every day.

So that's what I'm about to do now, make that schedule. And I'm going to actually stick to it. 


...hopefully